If a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City
All she gets in life is pity
And a pat
Kindly name a star who hasn't
Won a contest or a pageant
If she hasn't she just never
Gets to bat
She must shine in every detail
Like a ring, you're buying retail
Be a standard size that
Fits a standard dress
When a girl's incidentals
Are no bigger than two lentils
Then to me it doesn't spell
Success
Frumpy faces that could cause ya
To have temporary nausea
Do I have to hear a lecture
Such as that?
Is a nose with deviation
Such a crime against the nation?
Should I throw her into jail
Or drown the cat?
So she looks a bit off balance
She possesses golden talents
Or is that a pill too bitter
To digest?
Oh, she's got very nice deportment, hm
But when they see that at Ortmund's
From the gallery they'll be
Throwing fruit
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