Ladies and gentlemen, the mayor of New York
Good morning, it's been brought to my attention that many rap artists
Claim that they run New York, but this is not the case
In fact, I wrote my own song about what it's really like
Please excuse the profanity in advance, hit it
I run New York!
New York, big city of dreams
And you know that I run this town
(I run it!)
King of the streets, ? concretes
Skyscrapers on my crown
So if you want this big apple
Come try to take a bite
Cause I run this motherfucking city and
I won't give it up without a fight
Yo, I run New York, it's a pain in the ass!
The city's crowded as f*ck, and it's covered in trash
And the sanitation chief just shoved his shit in my face
Another transit strike? oh fucking great!
I can't wait
To have another meeting with the labor union
So the mob can bend me over
And then shove their fucking shoe in
But I do it so you can sip your pumpkin latté
I literally run New York, and it's exhausting
I run New York, it's a fucking headache
It really wears you down
In this lake of bureaucratic bullshit
It's a miracle I don't drown
I *double* literally run New York
I run the marathon
Plus I organized it
So I double-run the marathon
But no one seems to give a f*ck that I'm a paragon
Instead they Photoshop me so
It's looking like I wear a thong
And laugh at it in my own office when I'm gone
I went to the Knicks game, and
They booed me on the jumbotron!
Excuse me for trying to help you
They won't be satisfied until I'm
Locked up in Bellevue
I guess they don't tell you this job sucks dick
I run New York and it feels like shit
The chief of police is a major bully
He laughs at my ideas (he's a jerk!)
He made fun of my tie last week
And I had to fight back tears
Now on the surface, it probably seems like I should quit
Cause I spend every day getting punched in the dick
But at night I travel down into the subway
Wearing chain mail, locked and loaded for gun play
And battle the gigantic fire-breathing mutant rats
If I fucking quit, who the f*ck would do that?
I'll give you a hint: the answer is no one
That's why I'm in the sewer dressed up like a shogun
Because on the equinox, a hell gate springs
Releasing hounds wreathed in the blood of kings
And no one even knows! they just think I'm a dork
But I still kill those fucking dogs, because
I run New York
I run New York, it's a shitty gig
There's no overtime in my pay (bullshit!)
I asked this city for a fucking bonus
And they said "no fucking way!"
So rotten is this big apple
It's crawling with worms inside
But I run this motherfucking shit hole city
And it makes me wanna die
I run New York!
Thank you
