Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk
At our Christmas party
We were drinkin' champagne punch and homemade eggnog
Little sister brought her new boyfriend
He was a Mexican
We didn't know what to think of him
Until he sang Feliz Navidad
Brother Ken brought his kids with him
The three from his first wife Lynn
And the two identical twins
From his second wife Mary Nell
Of course he brought his new wife, Kay
Who talks all about AA
Chain smokin' while the stereo plays
Noel, Noel, the First Noel
Carve the turkey, turn the ballgame on
Mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone
Send somebody to the Quik Pak store
We need some icing and extension cords
A can of bean dip and some Diet right
A box of tampons and some more Burl Ives
Hallelujah, everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the family
Fran and Rita drove from Harlogen
I can't remember how I'm kin to them
But when they tried to plug their motor home in
They blew our Christmas lights
Cousin David knew just what went wrong
So we all waited out on our front lawn
He threw the breaker and the lights came on
And we sang Silent Night, oh Silent Night
Carve the turkey, turn the ballgame on
Make Bloody Marys 'cause we all want one
Send somebody to the Stop 'N Go
We need some celery and a can of fake snow
A bag of lemons and some Diet Sprite
A box of tampons and some Salem Lights
Hallelujah, everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the family
Feliz Navidad
